Middle Way

Over the last several years I've begun to really notice judgement, when people pass it and whether or not its neccessary or constructive. Sometimes, people need enlightening about the annoying things they do. But do they? I guess I'm always thinking about that next step, which is what will it achieve and what's the purpose of doing it?

For instance, what about moral judgement, when someone is unfaithful to a partner. Do you speak up with your opinion or is it best to keep quiet and not stir trouble. If you choose to tell someone you disagree with their actions, how will they react? From personal experience, people choose to dislike that person and think of reasons why they are not qualified in speaking anyway. Is what one person sees as a bad trait, universally bad or simply a quirk that only annoys a few. If this is the case then surely its not worth hurting that person to make you and maybe a handful others happy. Would that person change anyway?

And then....what do you do if the thing the person does which is annoying or 'bad' is subconscious, is something they do without intending to in anyway and gets viewed from the outside as malicious. Even though you perceive something as being annoying or bad etc does that mean it really is? Is it worth standing up and informing someone they are a terrible person and need to change when the person's actions were maybe taken out of context and perceived in a way they weren't meant. Hmm, its tricky see. Obviously, when someone passes judgement on another, 9.9 times out of ten it is received badly so when is it really neccessary?

My problem with judgement is that it sets a person up for disaster. Once you have taken a moral high-ground, you need to really back it up with impeccable behaviour in all areas and being human that is often very difficult. When we realise things about ourselves, things that maybe we can't change no matter how hard we try, surely we can understand the concept of infallibilty and take a somewhat more understanding approach with others. But where along that continuum lies the part where sometimes we wake people up to their own behaviour for the good. Where they hadn't realised they were being offensive and were thankful to know thats how people felt so they could change. When do we know when we'll hit that 0.1 out of ten?

I work with people who are VERY difficult to get along with however, in this case I believe speaking up about their behaviour will be counter-productive so I keep quiet. In the past I have cast judgement, harshly, down on people and certainly caused them pain. I regret that. I have also sat on the other side of the fence and received harsh judgement, personally experiencing its effects. After all of that, I think I can say I'm not a huge fan of judgement. The person I consider the least judgemental person I have ever met also happens to be a person I admire tremendously. In fact, she has taught me some of the most important lessons I've ever learnt - especially about myself. And this is all from sitting back and being nothing but understanding. Repsect.