03/14/2006
Judgement Day
Over the last several years I've begun to really notice judgement, when people pass it and whether or not its neccessary or constructive. Sometimes, people need enlightening about the annoying things they do. But do they? I guess I'm always thinking about that next step, which is what will it achieve and what's the purpose of doing it?
For instance, what about moral judgement, when someone is unfaithful to a partner. Do you speak up with your opinion or is it best to keep quiet and not stir trouble. If you choose to tell someone you disagree with their actions, how will they react? From personal experience, people choose to dislike that person and think of reasons why they are not qualified in speaking anyway. Is what one person sees as a bad trait, universally bad or simply a quirk that only annoys a few. If this is the case then surely its not worth hurting that person to make you and maybe a handful others happy. Would that person change anyway?
And then....what do you do if the thing the person does which is annoying or 'bad' is subconscious, is something they do without intending to in anyway and gets viewed from the outside as malicious. Even though you perceive something as being annoying or bad etc does that mean it really is? Is it worth standing up and informing someone they are a terrible person and need to change when the person's actions were maybe taken out of context and perceived in a way they weren't meant. Hmm, its tricky see. Obviously, when someone passes judgement on another, 9.9 times out of ten it is received badly so when is it really neccessary?
My problem with judgement is that it sets a person up for disaster. Once you have taken a moral high-ground, you need to really back it up with impeccable behaviour in all areas and being human that is often very difficult. When we realise things about ourselves, things that maybe we can't change no matter how hard we try, surely we can understand the concept of infallibilty and take a somewhat more understanding approach with others. But where along that continuum lies the part where sometimes we wake people up to their own behaviour for the good. Where they hadn't realised they were being offensive and were thankful to know thats how people felt so they could change. When do we know when we'll hit that 0.1 out of ten?
I work with people who are VERY difficult to get along with however, in this case I believe speaking up about their behaviour will be counter-productive so I keep quiet. In the past I have cast judgement, harshly, down on people and certainly caused them pain. I regret that. I have also sat on the other side of the fence and received harsh judgement, personally experiencing its effects. After all of that, I think I can say I'm not a huge fan of judgement. The person I consider the least judgemental person I have ever met also happens to be a person I admire tremendously. In fact, she has taught me some of the most important lessons I've ever learnt - especially about myself. And this is all from sitting back and being nothing but understanding. Repsect.
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Uh oh...Is this about that time I told you not to eat so loudly? I'm sorry already!
I was so pumped to get to Middle Way and see a new post. I like this one. I struggle with that dilemma a lot, mostly just with little things. I feel like its this goblin that lives inside me and just wants to crush people--sweet, happy and loving people. I think we all have a bit of that goblin in us and we have to ignore him, don't we? I think 9.9/10 times, we should lighten up and let it slide! I reckon if you feel tempted to judge someone (and bring it to their attention), it is most likely a reflection of some way you are feeling about yourself at the time being. What do you reckon? My goblin is always the most obnoxious and rude when I am feeling down about myself. He thinks the solution is to strike out. But man, when you see someone's face after you have said something hurtful, you realize all at once that it was unncecessary and you want to take it right back out of the air.
You know the first time we traveled in the States together? I was a bitch! No, really, I was! And I regret that in a major way. I was feeling unhappy with myself. I felt ugly on the outside and inside and I can see clear as day that I took it out on you. I think about you as this bright little bulb sadly dimming because of me and my evil goblin. When I think back on that whole trip, amazing memories and uncontrollable laughter spring to mind first and foremost (just read the J!!), but there is a little smidge of "damn, why was i such a bitch?!?!"
Wow, I am really off on a tangent here. Sister, I like this post! Snap! And I think this should be our new word: REP-SECT! Our unique little inversion...when those two funky syllables are spoken, we will know it's so much more.
Posted by: Betsy | 03/14/2006
Maybe I am judgemental? I think I am, but like you are trying not to be. Realistically, I've never seen any positive effects from taking the high ground. These days I figure it's up to me. If I don't like a person, why stick around them? If I do, then get over myself and accept them for who they are.
The funniest judgements I ever see are kinda like what Betsy says I think. When someone has a really annoying trait, but instead of seeing it in themselves, they see it in everyone else and HATE it. Also, I think if you are a judging person, all that happens is people become a little more timid around you, too scared to do something 'wrong' than be themselves. That's dumb.
On the cheating front. That's a toughie, and I think we all judge it by the way we would feel. Because it would devastate me beyond belief, I have a hard time not judging people who do it, because I think of all the harm they would cause me (and my basic rule in life is to do as little harm to each other as possible). But then you go and hear about these relationships where it's ok, so who am I to say 'but what about meeee?'
I think my general rule now, is to judge people who judge :) Because you're right, you'd better be pretty perfect yourself before you go acting like you are.
But also, if I care about someone, I do care if they are doing something that I think is wrong, so maybe an 'unjudgemental' conversation wouldnt go astray, so at least I could understand. :) Or is that being greedy?
Sometimes it's just not worth the bother, like with the work thing, and with me and the sister thing. What can be achieved? Nothing will change, so whats the point? :)
Have fun in welly! Yay, I love it when you blog! everyone elses blogs are so boring, so i have resorted to books now. Betsy, maybe our Goblins should meet up, they sound pretty similar, I think they would be friends, in a weird, angry way :)
Posted by: NatalieFerguson | 03/18/2006
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